Makeup

Once upon a time...

Long ago..

In a galaxy far far away...

Ok sorry, got a bit carried away there.

I read an old internet post about my fear of not wearing makeup out in public. And it made me laugh. And so grateful for SO many different things from a post of only about a year ago. 

I have had cystic acne most all of my life. Redness, scarring, huge break outs, cysts. No matter the amount of makeup, whether it was Chanel, Revlon, or Makeup Forever, my skin was horrid. And you could tell under the makeup I tried to conceal it under. I was always SO self conscious about it. Horribly self conscious of it. And I know for fact I am not alone that dreaded feeling of leaving the house and having a huge zit on your face that you know everyone will notice.

I'd been to dermatologists offices, gotten prescriptions, tried Proactiv, tried over the counter products. Nothing bloody worked. Nothing. This lead me to hate skincare. Because no matter what I tried I thought "what's the point? I'm going to break out anyway. I'm going to be ugly anyway." I know right? What a terrible way to think of myself. But truly, that was my thought process. 

Fast forward to last March of 2012 where I got diagnosed with PCOS. Better known as Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. Look it up because it affects a large percentage of women and people just don't know about it. Now is this "condition" for lack of better word something that is life threatening or a major toll on one's life? Well no - however it does make a major difference in how you treat your body. i.e. The foods and drinks you consume, medication, mental health, etc.

Apparently, PCOS, being a major hormonal mindf*ck to the body causes incredibly bad acne in adults. Hooray! I found the reason why it got worse the older I got! Now...how did I make it better? Birth control certainly didn't help. So what did Kayla do? She went on Accutane. Yes, the dreaded drug where you must be tested to see if you're pregnant each month you're on it, cannot donate blood, and "supposedly" makes people very depressed and want to kill themselves. I wish I were joking, but I'm not.

Luckily, I did not get any of the crazy affects people were claiming while on accutane. The only affect I did see was my skin cleaning up. Hallelujah! It's a bloody miracle! Oh wait...it's itchy now? Dry? Patchy? Oh god...

But wait. There is a happy ending to this tale. Does it include my amazing business in the #1 brand in skincare and cosmetics? Absolutely. But that's NOT the happy ending my friends.

No, the happy ending is the fact that I don't care anymore. I don't. I take great care in my skin. I do makeup professionally, yes. But I have absolutely no shame in going out with no makeup on. Because do I believe that I am a gorgeous model? Hell no. But am I pretty enough without makeup, without my hair done, without the best outfit? Absolutely. And I deserve, as does any person, as much respect and kindness with or without it.

I use makeup now as a way to express myself, just as I do with my hair and my clothing. I don't use it anymore as a shield, a cover to hide myself away from cruel and judgmental people. And neither should anyone else. If you, the person reading this, feel you need something to cover your true self from the world, please, I beg you, find a way out. Because there is nothing more relieving than to be comfortable in your own bare skin.

Love yourselves. <3
xx
Kayla