9/11

So I know that there have probably been a ton of posts and everything about this day. This incredibly sad day. But I haven't been able to sleep. I got caught watching Howard Stern's stream from his show from the morning it all happened and all of these memories and emotions I felt that morning flooded back into my head. And I mean, that's the whole point of a blog right? To write whatever you want. So here it is.

I was in 7th grade, in middle school. Typical morning, hung out with my friends before heading into class. I remember not looking forward to going to my English class, which is my first period, only because I didn't care for my teacher for some ridiculous reason that I can't remember and had requested to get a transfer.

She asked us to write in our required journals for the homeroom period before class actually started.

Journals? I effing HATE required journals. First off, I don't want my teacher reading about my life. And second, HOW exactly does this help me in English?

Anyway, there I am being a typical hormonal teenager, pouting, and probably writing song lyrics in my journal rather than actual thoughts and the PA system rings on...

Our principal came on, which was rare, and I could tell by her tone something was off. I don't remember exactly what she said. All I heard was "plane" "World Trade Center" "bomb."

I'd like to preface all this by saying that only a month before, I had gone to New York City for the very first time for a nationals dance competition. And just like most every other American, fell in love with it. I have pictures in front of certain parts of the NYC skyline with the WTC buildings behind me. One comes to mind with myself and my mother.

So immediately, 13-year-old Kayla thinks "what? No way. I just saw those buildings not long ago. How is that possible?" At any age, I'm sure just the thought of a plane crashing into a building is unfathomable. Our principal, over the PA, then said for our teachers to turn on the TV and turn to a certain channel and watch the news. Remember watching the news when you were little? It was never pleasant...and it surely wasn't at all pleasant on that day.

I saw through the live action stream on that channel the second plane fly into the second tower. What? What the actual fuck? How? Why? WHY? That was my biggest thing going through my mind. Why?

At the time, my mother was very much into politics and is a proud Republican. So I had heard things here and there about "terrorism" and such. But this was all a blur to me. Then the Pentagon got hit, if I'm not mistaken, right before that class period ended.

I've never heard so much silence in a middle school hallway before that day on the way to the next class.

Students started leaving left and right, being taken home early by their parents. I remember wondering if my parents were going to pick me up early. I was scared. Terrified. Obviously it sounds stupid as an adult but as a kid, you couldn't help but think "are they going to come here? Are they going to bomb my school?" I mean, we were under attack. Anything was possible.

I don't remember a lot of crying or discussion. I think everyone at Southwood Middle that day, students and teachers alike, were just in shock. We didn't know what to think, what to do. And as a teacher now, I can't imagine what my teachers were going through. Wanting to protect us, help us get through all of it and understand.

If I'm not mistaken, all Miami-Dade schools were let out early. It wasn't until I got home and watched the news with my family that I started getting real information and actually absorbing it all. The fear and shock was gone. Now came the anger-- which I know was incredibly common for Americans all over the nation. Regardless of political or religious affiliations, all we wanted to do was get revenge. Tell whoever it was that attacked us that we are the damn United States of America and that they will pay.

I remember the next day very clearly. And although it was incredibly sad, and somber--I also remember a calm. A soothing and sober feel all through the air of my crappy magnet middle school. On that day, we all wore red, white and blue. On that day, there was no stupid hormonal fights with one another. On that day, there was no inane backlash at teachers.

On that day there was love. So much love. And it sounds crazy, but whenever 9/11 comes around every year, I think our nation as people put down our guard(metaphorically) and just love and accept one another. As Americans. We are a PROUD nation. And on 9/12/2001, that was the day I felt it most.

Just last December, I went to the most renovated Ground Zero area. The last time I had visited years before, it was still just fences all around, and mostly dust. Now, it was a beautiful memorial. Absolutely stunning, with a museum that's going to be opening soon right next to it.

On the gorgeous marble dedications are the names of all of the people we lost that day. Civilians, firefighters, policemen, etc. And a beautiful thing that I saw was that on some, there were roses. I learned that when there is a rose next to someone's name, it is their birthday. And call me crazy or silly, but my sister and I went around to each and every one and quietly sang happy birthday to them.

This day will never be just any other day for the rest of our lives. And although it is a historic day, for tragic reasons, I feel it did make us stronger as a country. Will we have our flaws? Yes. Will we have our differences between one another along with other countries? Absolutely. Will we have more enemies than allies? Probably. But that is because our country is so great, so free, so true that just like everything else beautiful in the world, there need to be enemies to try to bring you down. Only for those enemies to realize that there will never be anything we cannot overcome.

God Bless America

I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.