Oh my dear blog...

Hello. How are you? How have you been?

Oh, I'm so glad to hear how well you've been. How have I been? Well...

I've been rather busy and quite confused. Confused on what exactly to do next to be frank.

Also, I officially have no computer. At all. Both dead. Yay. So as of now, I'm typing on my little brother's computer, which I will only be able to use whilst he's not home because the second he is after school, on here he goes to play his beloved League of Legends. Ah-- to be young and to only have school to worry about so that you can play video games in your spare time. I miss those days. I truly do.

 I finished my show of Fiddler on the Roof and although I wasn't the most thrilled with certain things during the rehearsal process, I must say that the actual production was perfect. I conquered quite a fear with being on a ladder and rolled around on stage while on top of said ladder. Most people thought I was afraid of heights...oh no. I'm afraid of ladders. They're untrustworthy inanimate objects, I tell you. Anyway, I had such fun playing a role I never thought I'd play and most all of the cast and crew was a delight.

Now that this show has closed, I crave more. I took one day yesterday to just do nothing. I watched Netflix all day which was marvelous. But today, I woke up and just decided to start looking for auditions. More auditions. I need to be in a show. This huge gap between one performance and the next is just not good enough anymore. And I don't want to keep twiddling my thumbs and making excuses. Even if I'm not right for the part or if it's a bit of a commute, my love and passion for performing is worth it. Right? Of course right! (My Fiddler folk will get that one.)

Thanksgiving is upon us and I am SO bloody excited. I need to get together my recipe list, buy my bird, and brine next week. Also my best friend in the whole wide world, and to be honest best friend doesn't even cover what she is, is coming home. Now it's a surprise to her grandmother, but I doubt she'll be reading this. As hard as it is for me at least to be so far away from her, it's crazy that in our entire lives (literally) of being best friends, we talk more now than we ever did. Daily. If half the day goes by and we haven't heard from each other, it's weird as all hell. So needless to say I'm ecstatic that she'll be here soon. We shall drink and be merry!!

I'm off to go get ready for the day. I'm hoping I can write more later but for now, I'm just glad I was able to get a bit in now. Sending love and happy thoughts to you, dear reader.

NaNoWriMo

Well this is embarrassing, reader.

Three years ago, I created an account on nanowrimo.com in order to challenge myself and do something I've always wanted to do: write a book.

NaNoWriMo stands for National Novel Writing Month, where you are challenged to write 50,000 words in the entire month of November. For three years, I have told myself that I would complete this task and yet...still, my account says "No Novel."

Why procrastinate on something that I love? Not to mention, who knows?! I could write a novel and it could maybe be published one day. Or not. But at least I could say I wrote a 50,000 word novel in ONE MONTH. That's insane.

But this year is different. This year, I am SO making this happen. I don't care how busy, tired, or preoccupied I am. This will happen. And I want you guys to keep me accountable in whatever way possible!
Comment on my entries
Write to me on Facebook or Twitter
ANYWHERE
I need your help to stay on task.

And reader, I encourage YOU to also take the challenge. Go to the Nanowrimo site, create a free account, and just started writing starting November 1st. Until then, we have 10 days to prepare what kind of novel we will be writing! Isn't this exciting?!

Click here to add me as a buddy!!

Here's a video of one of my favorite YouTubers who told me about Nanowrimo so many years ago!! Give it a shot!! See you there!!

Let me know if you're participating :)

OMGOODNESS I'M SO SORRY

No excuses. NONE. Whatsoever. Just been crazy busy, which is good.

However, I have started vlogging again which is way easier for days like the past week where I don't have the particular energy or enough to say to write a blog post. And I have 2 to show you today! Does that count? K good!! Enjoy.

And make sure yo subscribe too. :)

Second one should be up soon!! :)

Holy jeez

So Ed Sheeran's new music video just came out today.

"Kayla, why are you talking about a stupid music video?"

Gimme a chance here. There's a point.

First of all, it's not stupid. I already was in love with the song. And I've loved Ed Sheeran since he first came out. Partly because I think he's a fantastic songwriter/singer, partly because I have a thing for gingers and Brits.

Now, this video is choreographed by Nappy Tabs, or Napoleon and Tabitha. If you're not in the dance world, it is a very well known married couple choreographing duo that are FAMOUS for their beautiful hiphop merged with contemporary work. Mostly hip hop though, they're absolutely fantastic. One of my favorites.

So I watched this video, not knowing at all what to expect. And just...WOW.

I was legit in tears by the end of it. I couldn't handle it. Why I was crying? I don't know...

Could've been the choreography was just spectacular

Or that the song and dance combination melted my heart

Or that ED SHEERAN WAS DANCING FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER

Or that the love that they were portraying was something I hope to one day experience

I don't know. More than likely a combination of all of the above.

So I urge you to go watch it if you haven't. Please...go. NOW.

Here, I'll make it easy for you.

Ed Sheeran - Thinking Out Loud

While finding the link I watched it again...and cried. Shut up.

Happy Birthday

No, not to me. It's the birthday of Magic Kingdom and Epcot over at Walt Disney World. Gosh, how did you not know that?

In honor of their birthdays of being over 40 years old, I'm going to share my favorite memories (and foods) from both parks. Mostly food, lezbehonest.

By the way, while composing this blog, I'm listening to Magical Mouse Radio hosted by my dear and awesome friend Mike Rahlman, or @BeOurGuestMike on Twitter. I highly recommend you listen to the radio station and follow him on Twitter. While you're at it subscribe to the Be Our Guest Podcast.
I swear this isn't a sponsored blog. <3

MAGIC KINGDOM

So the absolute best memory I have in the Magic Kingdom is duh, when I went to the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique and got made over into a princess. This was of course before their absolute absurd and uncalled for age restriction to 12. Seriously? Because girls and women over the age of 12 can't or don't want to be princesses. Whatever. I digress.

Seriously best day ever. The pictures below say it all.

My at the time boyfriend was with me for this but because he's an effing idiot, I put Andrew Garfield instead. I mean...just look at him! <3

There was also that awesome time I took the sword out of the stone.

Like a BAUS

Now favorite food at Magic Kingdom is pretty easy. I love MK food but it's fairly basic. Epcot will definitely be more at length. Anyway, here we go.

First and foremost, I ALWAYS need to have a Mickey Premium Bar. Always. Ask anyone who has ever been to the parks with me ever. Particularly ask Erin, or @EODaniels. She'll tell you. It's simplicity can't be beat and come on, it's in the shape of Mickey for God's sake. 

(I would also like to take a quick commercial break to tell you about my friend AJ's amazing blog DisneyFoodBlog.com. But don't go on there if you're hungry. That's never a good idea.)

Next up is a build my own burger at Peco's Bill in Frontierland. You can buy a hamburger or cheeseburger and they've got the best condiment bar of all time! It includes delicious "plastic cheese." Sauteed onions, lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, jalepenos, different sauces. Just...omg I'm starving. 

LOOK AT IT!!!!!

And then my friends...there's this. 

It is a Nutella Waffle Sandwich, available at Sleepy Hollow in Liberty Square.

The waffles are hot and freshly made so just...oh my goodness. So good.

So that's Magic Kingdom. Now PREPARE YOURSELVES because Epcot is a bigger beast since it includes World Showcase and the most wonderful event of the entire year and world: the Food and Wine Festival. I'm telling you, if you've never been you MUST. Is it a lot of money? Yes. Is it worth it? Abso-fu**ing-lutely. 

Before the food...right...my favorite memory. I mean...there have been many great memories. Especially with my old roommate, Chris. We had SUCH a blast together any park we went to. And then there's also all of the amazing times I spent with my best friend Mayling and our group of friends Christy, Sarah, Mustafa amongst others that would tag along. However, Mayling, Christy and I combined made Las Tres Caballeras. A legendary group of 3 awesome women from Miami who love Disney and caused some chaos whenever drinking in Epcot. 

I also did part of my first ever 5k in Epcot. The Tangled 5k and it was SUCH a blast because I ran it with my friends and dressed up as the best princess ever, Rapunzel. 

Ok...now to the good stuff. FOOD.

Now most of this stuff is only available during the Food and Wine Festival but rest assured that going around World Showcase at Epcot is good to visit ALL YEAR ROUND for good food and alcoholic beverages. Especially the latter. 

MOVING ON

Let's get my favorites out of the way first. 

First is the Canadian Cheddar Cheese Soup

Second is the Filet Mignon with Mushroom Risotto.

Now, both of them are they are normally served at Le Cellier, the incredibly-difficult-to-get-into-cause-it's-so-small-but-worth-it restaurant in Canada at World Showcase. However, there are smaller portions you can get at the F&WFestival. And you won't get the perks of the pretzel bread with the soup or the risotto with the steak. They are SO unbelievably delicious, I cannot stress it enough. You MUST try these at some point in your life. 

This is the Mongolian Beef with a Chinese Steamed Bun

It's served at the China booth at F&WF. So good!! It's a little spicy with delicious tender beef and the crisp vegetables cool it down. It's just the perfect balance! delicious

Lasagna in Italy

I don't usually particularly like lasagna but this one is THAT good. So...get it.

Omgoodness, these are the Shrimp Tacos in Mexico. So delicious!! They changed the toppings a bit but the creamy and spicy sauce on top is to die for and the shrimp is perfectly cooked. 

Oh and there's always delicious tequila shots in Mexico. Duh. 

This item is inside the French Bakery (although it's under a way more French name) and it's the lemon tart. I usually don't like fruity type desserts but THIS IS THE BOMB. The slightly toasted merengue on top is the perfect touch and the tart is delicious and the perfect blend of sour and sweet. 

The Grand Marnier slush. Need I say more? 

Last but not least is my homeland (not really) Ireland. 

This is the Fisherman's stew with a plethora of seafood delight with mashed potatoes (because Ireland.)

And all year long, anytime I'm in Epcot, I HAVE to go to the Rose and Crown and have one of these 

Or 2. Let's be real.

My mother and I after having too much food at F&W. Basically, we're the happiest ever. 

In all seriousness, both parks have impacted my life in so many positive ways and I have too many memories that can fit in just one blog. I'll just have to share some more memories in future blog posts. 

If you want me to continue with favorite memories and foods in Disney parks, leave me a comment below and I'll make sure to get that going.  

Until then, Happy Birthday to Magic Kingdom and Epcot

and Happy October to everyone! 

Change is good

I have been SO tired this week.

But it's a very good tired. This week was very good for me. Very good things happening and I'm beginning to feel a bit more at ease and happy.

I know for lots of people, it sounds stupid to hear me doubt my "talents." But I do. Constantly. All the time. 24/7.

My friends and I go to a local bar for karaoke night sometimes on Saturdays. I sang a song, it was fun and catchy. I usually sing Paramore or top 40 type stuff. It's always a lot of fun, especially since I kind of use it as a platform of performing since I don't get a chance to nearly as often as I'd like to.

Then, for some unknown reason, I decided to sing a song I've loved since I was little that I've never ever sung in front of anyone. Because I don't think it's my voice type, or that my voice isn't good enough, or that I shouldn't be singing it because...reasons.

I picked to sing "I Have Nothing" by Whitney Houston.

I know right? What the eff was I thinking? I have no idea. And no, I was not intoxicated. I had one beer but it did not affect me whatsoever.

I was SO SO SO incredibly nervous. Second guessing myself, wondering if I should go change the song, every once in a while in the hour long wait till my name was called to go warm my voice up a bit more. Then my name was called.

I was shaking. Was I really going to sing this song? I mean, people that do karaoke here just do it for fun. Not much serious singing ever. But I grabbed the mic, took a breath, closed my eyes and just did it.

Usually when I sing karaoke at this specific bar, I look over to the table where my friends reside-- partially because I self doubt so much that I'm looking at them for reassurance that I'm doing ok, that I'm not making a fool of myself. After singing the first song earlier, a complete and total stranger came up to me and expressed how she thought I had a great voice but how she read my body language and saw my constant looking towards my friends. She told me I didn't need them, I just needed to sing with my heart and to let go. (Don't you DARE start singing that damn song in your head. Damn it...it has already hasn't it? Ok, stop! Moving on.)

Going back to the song beginning...I kept my eyes closed for pretty much 90% of the song. And honestly, whenever I perform, I basically just tune out everything else. Because for me, any stage is my home. I don't need anyone else but me and the music, whether that's for singing or dancing. Supposedly, something that never happens happened. Supposedly, the whole bar went silent. Which I sincerely doubt. But that's what I'm told.

Regardless of how I sounded, which I know if anyone recorded it (I hope to God no one did), I would find a bajillion things wrong with it. However, I'm proud of myself for at least going out there and doing it anyway. I couldn't breathe properly for about 10 minutes after the song cause I was totally shaking and my anxiety was a bit high. But I still felt good about just singing a song that has been in my heart for ages. Do I sound like Whitney Houston? Hell no. I never will. She's ridiculously amazing. Me? I'm just Kayla. But I know I sang with all my heart.

Not once did I look to my friends when I performed that song. But afterwards, I felt them rooting for me, as they always do. I'm very lucky to have them support me, crazy ass me.

Anyway, with that and a few other things, circumstances are slowly starting to change and I may actually start to feel happy these days. Which has been a foreign feeling for...about a year almost now since I got screwed over by someone I idiotically trusted. But that doesn't matter. Life moves forward and the people who are worth being there will be there.

I need to sing more. I've started recording stuff with my mic on my pc again but have been too scared to post any of them. I critique the crap out of them and convince myself people's ears will bleed if I were to post it on the internet. But I'll try to record and maybe post something soon.

Anyway, I hope you had a fantastic weekend and that tomorrow is better than today.

Photo Collage CHALLENGE!

ʘ   Four tv shows you enjoy that were made in the last five years

ʑ    Nine men with faces that you like the look of

ɣ     Nine women with faces that you like the look of

ʬ     Four tv shows you enjoyed that were made more than five years ago

ʡ     Five style inspiration photos

Φ   Six of the most recent films you have watched

ψ   Eight favourite cities or towns you have visited

Ω   Three pictures of your favourite kind of weather

Δ    Four selfies

ς     Four places you would like to visit

Ϫ    Six tv shows you enjoyed as a child

Ϡ    Four people from history that you find interesting

҂    Nine favourite things to eat

҉      Nine favourite things to drink

†    Three things you’re excited for

WHAT A DAY

So I've been sick the past few days. Yayyy. But you guys knew that cause for sure you read my earlier post where I talked about it, right? Yeah, I thought so.

Today, I woke up even more sick than yesterday which really blew cause I mean I did everything everyone told me to do the past couple of days;

drink your medicine

drink lots of water

drink lots of fluids

rest!

have some vitamin C

no dairy!

rest!

lots of water missy

medicine

rest!

no dairy

REST!

You get the picture. And I had taken one entire day of doing absolutely NOTHING, which to be frank was quite boring and marvelous at the same time, and rested as every one proclaimed and yet still I am ill. 

Anyway, so there was the whole me feeling like shit thing, but I had an appointment so I put my face on, did my hair, got dressed, and got in the car.

Uh....what? No. No no no no no this can't be happening. Not right now. Not today. Come on. 

My car battery had died. Yup.

So what does Kayla do? Oh you know....has a full fledged panic attack in the car sweating her ass off.

I call my dad and he's far so he can't do anything. I call a friend of mine who is literally a God-sent who knew how to calm me down and said she'd pick me up and take me to the appointment.

After all of that...it's a pretty shitty situation but you know what? I'm so freaking lucky. My dad bought me and replaced my car battery and I'm blessed enough to have a friend who dropped nearly everything on a Saturday to help me out. 

Now, I'm listening to musicals, writing to you all, and am hoping I'm all better by tomorrow. Let's see. Idk cause there's Pumpkin Ice Cream from Trader Joe's in my freezer right now. Don't ask me how it got there...I have no idea ;)

2 DAYS?!

WHAT THE HECK KAYLA?!

WHAT HAPPENED TO ONCE A DAY TO CREATE A HABIT?

Well listen, I have a life man, ok? Geez Louise.

Sorry Louise, I don't mean to blame this on you.

I don't feel very good today. At all. My throat hurts, I feel weak, and a wee bit congested. Gr.

I used to have the most bad ass immune system ever. People would have bronchitis and be like "Kayla, no! Get away from me! I'm hideous! I'll get you sick."
And I'd respond like "Hey man, my anti-bodies are the ish. They look at your germs and laugh."

Ever since I got diagnosed with PCOS? Not so much. In the past year and a half, I've made up for all those years of near 100% immunity. If it wasn't for PCOS, I totally would've survived the zombie apocalypse. Now? I'm not so sure. Thank goodness I know how to use a sword so well...

Ok that was an embellishment; learning fencing in college doesn't necessarily count as warrior skills with a sword but hey, I need a win.

So anyway, I'm sick and the new iOS8 comes today. Therefore, I'm restoring my iPhone as we speak because we all know how many gigs that shit needs empty to even attempt to download. Well all know how this goes.

Random thought: is it normal to want a 3rd cup of coffee? Cause like...I still feel very tired. Although that could just be the sickness taking over. Help! Send help.

This is my sick brain talking by the way. It's a bit insane. When I say a bit, I mean more insane than I am on a generally normal day. Which is already pretty freaking insane.

Alright, while my iPhone is restoring, I'm going to attempt to be productive as well as make myself chicken soup. Wish me luck.

Cooking

I have no idea what to write about today...

Cause it wasn't the best day if I'm honest.

But I don't want to write another post like that. Too much negativity. So I should write something good and positive.

I'm having a dinner party type thing tomorrow.

It's so grown up. Haha. But see I LOVE cooking. That probably would've been my third career choice after performer and makeup artist is a chef. Because I love it.

I just haven't been cooking much for the past year cause it's honestly such a pain in the ass to do it here at my dad's house. There's always tons of questions of what I'm making, how I'm making it, the ingredients, etc. that I just get exhausted and annoyed and it's no longer fun.

But in general, I find cooking incredibly therapeutic. It's so awesome for me to just cook, maybe enjoy a glass of wine, put on my favorite music and be. It's as close to the peace and home feeling I get onstage. It's just best when I'm alone lol Once there's people there, no matter how much I love them, it's like they're in my bubble. However, I LOVE to cook meals for people too. Hence my fancy schmancy dinner party for my friends tomorrow haha

It'll be nice to go to Trader Joe's, pick out the ingredients, do some prep work and all of that. The whole process is just so fun for me. I wish I could do it more often. Let's see if I remember to take pictures and let you guys know how it all turned out tomorrow.

Anyway, I'm going for a 3 mile run early in the morning so hope y'all have a great night and sweet dreams.

<3

9/11

So I know that there have probably been a ton of posts and everything about this day. This incredibly sad day. But I haven't been able to sleep. I got caught watching Howard Stern's stream from his show from the morning it all happened and all of these memories and emotions I felt that morning flooded back into my head. And I mean, that's the whole point of a blog right? To write whatever you want. So here it is.

I was in 7th grade, in middle school. Typical morning, hung out with my friends before heading into class. I remember not looking forward to going to my English class, which is my first period, only because I didn't care for my teacher for some ridiculous reason that I can't remember and had requested to get a transfer.

She asked us to write in our required journals for the homeroom period before class actually started.

Journals? I effing HATE required journals. First off, I don't want my teacher reading about my life. And second, HOW exactly does this help me in English?

Anyway, there I am being a typical hormonal teenager, pouting, and probably writing song lyrics in my journal rather than actual thoughts and the PA system rings on...

Our principal came on, which was rare, and I could tell by her tone something was off. I don't remember exactly what she said. All I heard was "plane" "World Trade Center" "bomb."

I'd like to preface all this by saying that only a month before, I had gone to New York City for the very first time for a nationals dance competition. And just like most every other American, fell in love with it. I have pictures in front of certain parts of the NYC skyline with the WTC buildings behind me. One comes to mind with myself and my mother.

So immediately, 13-year-old Kayla thinks "what? No way. I just saw those buildings not long ago. How is that possible?" At any age, I'm sure just the thought of a plane crashing into a building is unfathomable. Our principal, over the PA, then said for our teachers to turn on the TV and turn to a certain channel and watch the news. Remember watching the news when you were little? It was never pleasant...and it surely wasn't at all pleasant on that day.

I saw through the live action stream on that channel the second plane fly into the second tower. What? What the actual fuck? How? Why? WHY? That was my biggest thing going through my mind. Why?

At the time, my mother was very much into politics and is a proud Republican. So I had heard things here and there about "terrorism" and such. But this was all a blur to me. Then the Pentagon got hit, if I'm not mistaken, right before that class period ended.

I've never heard so much silence in a middle school hallway before that day on the way to the next class.

Students started leaving left and right, being taken home early by their parents. I remember wondering if my parents were going to pick me up early. I was scared. Terrified. Obviously it sounds stupid as an adult but as a kid, you couldn't help but think "are they going to come here? Are they going to bomb my school?" I mean, we were under attack. Anything was possible.

I don't remember a lot of crying or discussion. I think everyone at Southwood Middle that day, students and teachers alike, were just in shock. We didn't know what to think, what to do. And as a teacher now, I can't imagine what my teachers were going through. Wanting to protect us, help us get through all of it and understand.

If I'm not mistaken, all Miami-Dade schools were let out early. It wasn't until I got home and watched the news with my family that I started getting real information and actually absorbing it all. The fear and shock was gone. Now came the anger-- which I know was incredibly common for Americans all over the nation. Regardless of political or religious affiliations, all we wanted to do was get revenge. Tell whoever it was that attacked us that we are the damn United States of America and that they will pay.

I remember the next day very clearly. And although it was incredibly sad, and somber--I also remember a calm. A soothing and sober feel all through the air of my crappy magnet middle school. On that day, we all wore red, white and blue. On that day, there was no stupid hormonal fights with one another. On that day, there was no inane backlash at teachers.

On that day there was love. So much love. And it sounds crazy, but whenever 9/11 comes around every year, I think our nation as people put down our guard(metaphorically) and just love and accept one another. As Americans. We are a PROUD nation. And on 9/12/2001, that was the day I felt it most.

Just last December, I went to the most renovated Ground Zero area. The last time I had visited years before, it was still just fences all around, and mostly dust. Now, it was a beautiful memorial. Absolutely stunning, with a museum that's going to be opening soon right next to it.

On the gorgeous marble dedications are the names of all of the people we lost that day. Civilians, firefighters, policemen, etc. And a beautiful thing that I saw was that on some, there were roses. I learned that when there is a rose next to someone's name, it is their birthday. And call me crazy or silly, but my sister and I went around to each and every one and quietly sang happy birthday to them.

This day will never be just any other day for the rest of our lives. And although it is a historic day, for tragic reasons, I feel it did make us stronger as a country. Will we have our flaws? Yes. Will we have our differences between one another along with other countries? Absolutely. Will we have more enemies than allies? Probably. But that is because our country is so great, so free, so true that just like everything else beautiful in the world, there need to be enemies to try to bring you down. Only for those enemies to realize that there will never be anything we cannot overcome.

God Bless America

I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

I know, I know

8:30 am
I missed a day. Boo.

Yesterday was an all day nonstop type of day so when I got home and could finally rest I didn't even turn on my PC. I just laid in bed until I fell asleep so...I'M SORRY.


11:26pm
Ok, now I can actually write.

It's REALLY HARD to stay positive sometimes. And I know some people see me and generally think I'm a Disney princess and all is pixie dust with me. Y'all would be surprised on what actually goes through my head. 

I am constantly doubting myself. Saying that these things won't work out for me because of course they won't. For multiple reasons: I don't deserve it, people suck, etc. And sometimes it seems like no matter how hard I try or persevere or anything, I'm always let down. For whatever bloody reason. And I know that what you put out into the universe is what will be returned back to you so I pray and I truly try to stay positive and BELIEVE that good things will happen. Has this year been good to me compared to last year? Hell yes. Could it be better? Hell yes. 

As much as I love performing, sometimes I ask myself "why the hell did I choose this career?" 
Then when Joan Rivers passed away last week, I saw her documentary on Netflix, which is brilliant by the way and you should watch it, and she said something that really hit me. She said "I didn't choose this career. It chose me. It's my calling." I mean sure, could I do something else, be more stable with a schedule and pay and everything elsewhere? Possibly yes. Would I be happy?
NO.
The true answer is no, I wouldn't be. Because when I'm onstage, I feel like home.

Hence my weird mood these past few days. I don't know what it is but I feel like something should be changing, something should be happening where I should start feeling more stable, more secure in certain aspects of my life. But they're not going as fast as I'd like them to which makes me sad, which then makes me anxious, which then makes me panic and feel like a failure at everything.

One of my biggest fears is that I'll wake up one day 10 year, 20 years, 30 years from now and wonder "what the hell ahve I been doing?" because I haven't done anything with my performing career. That thought alone breaks my heart. And I hate it. I don't want it to happen whatsoever. 

So if anyone has some choice words of advice, please, feel free.

Alright, I'm done rambling for the night. Time to go cuddle with my puppy before going to bed. <3

But where?

I'm trying to figure out where the heck I belong.

And I don't mean this metaphorically, but very literally. 

I was born and raised in Miami and it'll always be home but I truly do not see myself living here for the rest of my life. It'll forever have a place in my heart because of family, friends, and croquetas, but other than that -- I need to say "adios!" soon. Cause I'm kind of losing my mind. 

Now I did live in Orlando for 2 year, which I loved very much. And I already discussed in my first post about how I miss it and an contemplating moving back. 

But see then there are the endless possibilities of so many other places to live.

Like New York City, or Chicago, or Boston, or Seattle, or Santa Cruz, or LA.

Just...dude. 
How do I figure out where the hell to go? Yeah there's the obvious financial aspect of it but that's now what I want to focus on when it comes to where to go.

Do any of you have any words of wisdom? Because I am literally just very confused. I don't know where to begin so I would appreciate your input. :) Make sure to leave a comment down below. 

Other than that, I ran 2 miles today. I'm so proud of myself for my consistency in working out and have a long way to go but have been seeing such a difference in many different ways. So...yeah, there's that.

Thanks for reading, reader. You're awesome.

<3
Kayla

A survey of sorts

A) What does the last text you sent say? And to whom?
It says "WHAT IS LOVE?!" quoting that awesome 90's song to my awesome nerdy friend, Eric.
B) What does the last text you recieved say? And from whom?
It's work related so I can't really post it on here lol
C) What time do you wake up most mornings?
Typically between 8:30-9am
D) Are you afraid of walking alone at night?
Yes. Yes I am. Hence using the flashlight on my phone. 
E) What do you do to relax at the end of a stressful day?
I usually watch some YouTube videos, read, catch up with friends, and cuddle with my puppy. :)
F) Where did your last kiss take place and with whom?
Um...at a bar...with someone I may or may not have known. lol oops :X
G) Do/did you get into trouble a lot at school?
Nope. For the most part, I behaved very well in school. 
H) Do you enjoy your job? If unemployed, are you content being so?
Yes I do. Very much. I love my business and when booked for a performing job, there's nothing better in the world than for me to perform. <3
I) Do you often pick up on double entendres and innuendos?
Oh hell yes. I'm usually the one that initiates them. 
J) Have you ever been offered drugs but declined?
Yup. Declined real quick. 
K) Have you ever met someone who has completely altered your way of thinking?
Um...no, I can't say that I have. 
L) Have you ever been offered drugs and accepted?
Negative. Unless you count alcohol. 
M) Tell us something weird that turns you on.
Hmm...forearms. Yup...that's weird. 
N) When did someone last admit romantic or sexual feelings for you? Was the feeling mutual?
Yesterday and NO. 
O) What is something you have given a lot of thought to lately?
My non-existent romantic life. But hey, it's all good. Eugene is out there somewhere. (Tangled reference.)
P) When did you last swallow your beliefs to avoid an argument or confrontation?
I feel like I do that every day. I'm such a Hufflepuff. 
Q) Do you usually initiate hugs?
Yes, if it's with the right person. 
R) Are you a very affectionate person?
Again, depending on the person, yes. 
S) Can you roll your own cigarettes?
Yuck. No. 
T) What are you looking forward to?
I'm looking forward to continue auditioning and finally pursuing my dreams with confidence and faith. 
U) Do you have any tattoos. Do you want any/more?
Not yet but I have quite a few that I want to get in mind. 
V) Are you mentally strong?
I like to think so. 
W) Are you physically strong?
Working on it with Elizabeth Blair. :)
X) Do you think you’re a good person?
Undeniably so, yes. 
Y) Name one thing you wish you could change about your life right now.
Financial independence. 
Z) What do you usually eat for breakfast?
Coffee. Just coffee. 

Makeup

Once upon a time...

Long ago..

In a galaxy far far away...

Ok sorry, got a bit carried away there.

I read an old internet post about my fear of not wearing makeup out in public. And it made me laugh. And so grateful for SO many different things from a post of only about a year ago. 

I have had cystic acne most all of my life. Redness, scarring, huge break outs, cysts. No matter the amount of makeup, whether it was Chanel, Revlon, or Makeup Forever, my skin was horrid. And you could tell under the makeup I tried to conceal it under. I was always SO self conscious about it. Horribly self conscious of it. And I know for fact I am not alone that dreaded feeling of leaving the house and having a huge zit on your face that you know everyone will notice.

I'd been to dermatologists offices, gotten prescriptions, tried Proactiv, tried over the counter products. Nothing bloody worked. Nothing. This lead me to hate skincare. Because no matter what I tried I thought "what's the point? I'm going to break out anyway. I'm going to be ugly anyway." I know right? What a terrible way to think of myself. But truly, that was my thought process. 

Fast forward to last March of 2012 where I got diagnosed with PCOS. Better known as Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. Look it up because it affects a large percentage of women and people just don't know about it. Now is this "condition" for lack of better word something that is life threatening or a major toll on one's life? Well no - however it does make a major difference in how you treat your body. i.e. The foods and drinks you consume, medication, mental health, etc.

Apparently, PCOS, being a major hormonal mindf*ck to the body causes incredibly bad acne in adults. Hooray! I found the reason why it got worse the older I got! Now...how did I make it better? Birth control certainly didn't help. So what did Kayla do? She went on Accutane. Yes, the dreaded drug where you must be tested to see if you're pregnant each month you're on it, cannot donate blood, and "supposedly" makes people very depressed and want to kill themselves. I wish I were joking, but I'm not.

Luckily, I did not get any of the crazy affects people were claiming while on accutane. The only affect I did see was my skin cleaning up. Hallelujah! It's a bloody miracle! Oh wait...it's itchy now? Dry? Patchy? Oh god...

But wait. There is a happy ending to this tale. Does it include my amazing business in the #1 brand in skincare and cosmetics? Absolutely. But that's NOT the happy ending my friends.

No, the happy ending is the fact that I don't care anymore. I don't. I take great care in my skin. I do makeup professionally, yes. But I have absolutely no shame in going out with no makeup on. Because do I believe that I am a gorgeous model? Hell no. But am I pretty enough without makeup, without my hair done, without the best outfit? Absolutely. And I deserve, as does any person, as much respect and kindness with or without it.

I use makeup now as a way to express myself, just as I do with my hair and my clothing. I don't use it anymore as a shield, a cover to hide myself away from cruel and judgmental people. And neither should anyone else. If you, the person reading this, feel you need something to cover your true self from the world, please, I beg you, find a way out. Because there is nothing more relieving than to be comfortable in your own bare skin.

Love yourselves. <3
xx
Kayla